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Tickling, wrestling, jumping on the bed, swinging a child by the arms -- these are common examples of roughhousing, a form of play often engaged in by dads with their children. Kids (usually but not only boys) love acting out their favorite superhero fight moves. Even animals play fight with their offspring. The desire to roughhouse is natural!

Kids have a lot of energy and it’s important that they let it out in healthy ways. Roughhousing, or rough play, can be beneficial for children as they learn about physical strength, emotional outlets and how to manage the safety of themselves and others.

According to Dr. Laura Markham, a clinical psychologist in the U.S. with a PhD from Columbia University, roughhousing “builds self-esteem as kids experience their own physical strength.” Dr. Markham also says in her blog (ahaparenting.com) that “when kids ‘play’ fight, they learn to manage aggression, which makes them less likely to lash out when they’re angry.”

While roughhousing can be good for the development of children, it’s not always good for our home. At times, it can be positively unsafe -- something that can be fixed with changes to the environment and conversations with your children. Really, it’s all about setting boundaries.

Journalist Dana DiFilippo writes in American Baby magazine that “if a parent, sibling, or friend wrestles with a child, then the child is apt to think that wrestling is an expression of love, affection, or friendship.” How does a child know that play fighting with dad is affectionate but play fighting with a classmate may not be interpreted the same way? How does a child know his or her own mental and physical limits?

Here’s a common scenario: A child wrestles with his dad while mom worries about potential injuries. How can parents assess if the situation is becoming dangerous? Instead of immediately stepping in, try connecting with the child before making corrections. And remember, yelling only adds to the chaos!

Empathize with your child: “I know you’re having a lot of fun but this type of play needs to happen somewhere else.” And encourage perspective: “I see that you’re laughing, but can you see that your sister is nervous? How can you make sure everyone feels safe while you play?”

As adults, our role is to encourage safe play. Helping children assess boundaries and set their own rules ensures they understand the reasons behind the rules. If a situation gets out of hand and children are crying, use it as an opportunity to hold a conversation: “Why did this happen? How can we fix it for next time?”

Once children understand that rules aren’t actually in place just to take away all of the fun, they can begin to take responsibility and try setting their own boundaries and rules.

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